Surely we will all agree that we have felt pain and suffering at some point in our lives. The subject has always caught my attention because even when the natural tendency is to reject or try to avoid these feelings, they are relatively often unavoidable. So, how about we stop for a moment to think about this topic and try to learn to handle it in a conscious and more constructive way?
Researching this topic, I found a clear and very interesting distinction between pain and suffering. Pain is an identifiable emotion, which we feel in the present, at the moment of a negative experience. For example, unwanted changes, the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or having been a victim of violence or abuse. Despite being very hard processes, they can be very valuable at the same time, because they can teach us to overcome adverse circumstances, and challenges, as well as learn and grow as human beings.
For its part, suffering comes from our ego and generates concern, anguish, and despair; at a time other than the present. In other words, we suffer before or after the negative event occurs and the suffering would be associated with the personal interpretation we make of the event, our beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, and unconstructive emotions, which make it more difficult for us to give an adequate response to the circumstances or challenges that life presents us. Presumably, we tend to suffer because we avoid pain, we refuse to accept changes, we want to cling to old beliefs or rules that no longer serve us to move forward, nor do they make sense in today's world, because we need validation from others. We feel depressed, guilty, insecure, or simply afraid. Many people, without realizing it, make suffering a lifestyle, they are capable of constantly suffering for something that happened a long time ago or, even more complex, for something that will never happen.
In some cases this happens because they get some benefit from becoming victims by calling the attention of others, manipulating them, or holding them responsible for their lives. Or because they are not aware of the power they have to choose NOT TO SUFFER and execute the necessary actions to eradicate their suffering.
I was always struck by the well-known phrase of Siddharta Gautama, Buddha, who maintains: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." After knowing this distinction between pain and suffering, I understand it and conclude that the key is in the response we give to the circumstances that arise in life.
It seems inevitable that difficult experiences will take place, causing us pain. In this sense, in the words of the Buddha, the pain would be inevitable, but we can choose our response to it. We can receive and accept the pain that a certain experience generates in us, instead of rejecting or avoiding it. We can ask ourselves why these events have been presented to us, learn and grow with them, overcome them, come out stronger and even turn them into inspiration to help others who must also face them.
A few years ago, my mother suffered from breast cancer and I will never forget that shortly after receiving the diagnosis, she received a visit from other women who had survived the same disease. They felt resilient, valued their health and life more than ever, and dedicated part of their time to inspiring other women to fight and heal. Surely, many women chose a very different response to the same circumstance. So, it could be the interpretation: our thoughts and constructive attitude toward an experience that produces pain, are what make us grow as human beings. The opposite is what leads to suffering. The decision to be a victim or lead our lives is in our hands. It is we who decide to take action and look for ways to change, thinking about how to manage and transform reality; instead of dwelling on “why does this have to happen to me”. That is why, in the words of the Buddha, suffering is optional.
I invite you to reflect on this topic and choose to be happy. For me, that is the goal of our existence: to work on our personal transformation to reach a state of consciousness that allows us to live together in fullness and love, regardless of the circumstances that touch us on this path. That does not mean that I believe that it is possible to live a life free from challenges or adverse circumstances that cause us pain. But it does mean that we can take responsibility for our lives and learn to identify and manage pain for the benefit of our learning and personal growth, and even better, for our environment.
Of course, it is not easy, but it is possible. Choosing it is your greatest power.
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