I was born and raised in Venezuela, at a time when most families were able to hire staff to do the housework and take care of the children when they came home from school. This help was very necessary for us because I am the daughter of a university professional who has worked until today. I remember that during school vacations, mom asked us to collaborate with the staff in cleaning and ordering the whole house, but she never allowed us to cook. My parents were afraid that my little sister or I might get burned or have an accident in the kitchen. The issue of housework never caused concern in my family environment.
When I traveled abroad to study English and then my postgraduate degree, I had to run my house and learn to cook. But really, it wasn't that difficult because I lived alone and my only obligation was to study. So I had time for everything.
Then I got married in Venezuela. My husband and I are also professionals, we used to work and we were fortunate to have help at home and to take care of the children. So really, housework did become a big topic five years ago, when I immigrated to the United States with the whole family.
Here I had to start from scratch, study, work, take care of the house, the children, the chores, Gabriele's football, Amanda's dance, and then I had to go from being the manager who supervised the work of others to be: I am the. Yes, I am the one who does this, that, and everything else too! Soon, the exhaustion, the bad mood, the frustration of not being able to do things with the level of excellence that I like and even, many times, not even being able to do them, was killing me. My family was garbage, dish, and laundry production machine. Not to mention the work in the kitchen -nothing easy- since that, clearly, is not my forte. I no longer even had the creativity to invent what to eat. There was no tolerance for “I don't want to”, “I don't like it”, “it has little salt”, “it's burnt”. Anyway... The most stressful is a race from one place to another. It was absolute madness! So, looking for a solution to the burden of fulfilling all my responsibilities and housework became a priority for me. The level of stress was such that my husband annoyed my mother, who still lives in Venezuela, telling her that I missed the lady who helped us more than her.
Then came the plan to find an urgent solution. We had to sit down as a family to review the situation and make decisions. We would all have to take on the housework, according to age, abilities, and, as far as possible, taking into account preferences. Each one would take care of their room and bathroom. We would all keep the common areas of the house tidy. No clutter, things thrown or out of place. Dad would take care of the cooking because he loves to do it and, besides, he cooks very well. The only place allowed to eat was the kitchen. I would take care of the clothes. One day a week, someone would come to help us with the deep cleaning and if they couldn't come, like now in quarantine, on the weekend, we would do it ourselves. While one of us vacuumed the carpets, another cleaned the floor, someone cleaned the furniture, the bathrooms, the kitchen, the patio, in short.
And the plan worked. All the work did not fall to one person. I was no longer exhausted or in a bad mood. We finished much faster and had time to do things together and individually. We worked as a team. Each one cooperated and assumed their commitment and responsibility with the house and the family. They were very important values that deserved the effort to reinforce. I learned to effectively manage my time. I took turns with my husband and a neighbor to take and pick up the children from school. I could now assume my part at home and also study, work, dedicate myself to social responsibility activities, help the children with their homework. While I was taking Amanda to the dance, my husband was taking Gabriele to soccer. This clearly increased the quality of life for everyone at home. The work of each member of the family was recognized and valued in the same way and I have no doubt that we are preparing the children for the moment when they are independent or decide to start a family.
For me, the traditional model that commits men to assume the productive role and women, whether they work or not, to take care of the housework alone and take care of their relatives, is not sustainable over time.
As a woman and mother, I feel a moral obligation, and I work very hard every day, to ensure that for my husband, my son, and my daughter, it is natural for all of us as human beings to have the same rights, obligations, and opportunities; assume obligations at home; get prepared; develop in the field they voluntarily choose, according to their passion and skills; take their place in society, serve and leave a mark, without differences or discrimination.
After infinitely thanking you for reading this confidence of mine, I invite you to reflect on this topic and begin to become aware and take action at home. It is the first firm step we can take to consolidate the change we need and ensure greater well-being for future generations.
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