There is a very valuable Buddhist proverb that says: "What you resist, persists and what you accept, transforms you."
When the people around us do not act as we expect or things do not go as planned, trying to fight against what we cannot change usually causes us to waste energy, frustration and suffering.
Then what do we do? In my experience, the most useful thing is to abandon that fight, but not from resignation, conformism, complaint, or the role of the victim; this would lead to a state of defenselessness, in a reality that we cannot change. Paradoxically, the idea is to stop resisting, but from action, from the possibility of taking control of ourselves, by taking responsibility and deciding how to see life and how to react to it.
We must ask ourselves why what we are experiencing is happening, identify the message that wants to leave us, adapt, transform whatever is necessary, in order to overcome it and come out stronger; build resilience and let go. This is what we know as acceptance.
To accept is to begin to transform that reality that we do not want in our lives and move towards well-being. The best way to do it is by changing ourselves, changing the way we see life. In this sense, acceptance and above all self-acceptance is very difficult, since we tend to live connected with what is outside of us and we make the mistake of giving great validity to the opinion of others, to marketing, advertising messages that constantly show us ideal prototypes that are often far from what we are. All of this confuses and frustrates us.
If you find yourself in a downward spiral where the comments, prejudices, and criticisms of the people around you are very strong and affect your self-confidence and self-esteem, you must get out of that dynamic to find your inner voice and recognize that you are a unique being. and unrepeatable, that you do not have to respond to the standards or schemes of others. It is about becoming aware of your worth and having the courage to move away from stereotypes that do not correspond to your essence, without drama or suffering. When you understand that you are perfect as you are, even if you don't look like a model, for example, or comply with the schemes of others, it really didn't change your face, your body, or your personality; what was changed was the way of evaluating you and, therefore, it no longer affects you.
This does not mean that it is wrong to want to look better or change our habits, such as eating a balanced diet or exercising daily to increase our health and well-being; what it means is that we can do it from the appreciation and acceptance of ourselves, understanding that our value as a human being does not depend on these adjustments. Accepting and loving ourselves as we are and eliminating social comparisons are key to being happier.
Likewise, when we refer to situations. If we learn to see life as a blessing or a gift and assume that we can learn, even from the worst circumstances; because, when things turn out as expected, we feel joy and celebrate; and, when not, we have an extraordinary opportunity to learn and grow, accept and move forward, trusting life as an intelligent process.
When you feel the need to accept, there are some strategies that can make the process easier. So, I try to apply them:
I focus on the now and observe the situation that I want to accept, without complaining, criticizing, or making judgments.
I avoid asking myself “why is this happening to me”, that is, I move away from the drama, from the complaint, and ask myself “why is this happening to me”.
I do not resist, nor do I avoid, nor do I repress the emotions that the situation can generate in me, such as pain, for example, even if it is difficult since they could turn into suffering.
I go to action. I analyze what I can do to adapt and overcome the situation and apply it.
If you face an adverse situation and you do not feel able to handle it yourself, it is advisable to seek professional help to provide you with the necessary tools to overcome it and help you take care of your emotional health.
I invite you to stop seeing your lives as a burden, to start feeling them as a great blessing. Trust it, accept it and grow.
